Yoga Siesta
When you do what you love, and have for over 20 years, sometimes there’s a wondering… is this what I am still supposed to do? And then the rest of your life starts shifting, kids graduating, relationships changing, parents / aunties aging, and it gets you wondering… who am I without these roles, these hats I wear? The last few months, this has been the question rolling around my mind and heart… Who Am I? And the subquestion … What do I truly want in this “one wild and precious life”?
Getting my kids graduated and (fingers crossed) sending them out in the world feels like a huge turning point. They have been my life for over 22 years. All my focus and energy, creating stability in their worlds. This meant never really allowing myself to question fully, deeply what do I want. I imagine this is the crux of a midlife crisis for most. This is the turning point for most of us who raised tiny humans into semi-fledged adults or just those of us who are just over 50. I don’t want a fancy car. I don’t want a younger woman (haha!). So what do I want?
When I sat still with that question I realized, like a toddler- I need a cry, a nap and a snack. I am tired and a little worn down. Having two semi-adult childen in this in between stage of saying they don’t need me, but calling me or Venmo requesting me each day, who want to be independent but also don’t want to leave my house. Running a sweet yoga school with all it’s varying complexities of running a heart-centered business and dancing that line of heart and finance. Carrying the emotional load for all the wonderful humans in my life. I realized I LOVE all of it, but I need a beat. I need a moment free of all the roles, responsibilites, and hats I wear. I need space to uncover what may have been hiding under all of those things. And I need a moment to recalibrate to uncover what is next. What life do I want next? Do I want quiet farm life adding more chickens and edible wilds to my home? Do I want adventure and freedom running around the country following my inner whims? Do I want to live in the desert or is it just my happy place just for me to reset? And sometimes to uncover this, you have to get still and quiet and give yourself permission to evolve. Right now I feel a little lost, but in a good way.
So… this summer I am taking a Siesta, Sabbatical, Sabbath? I am not sure what to call this. Essentially, I am giving myself a time out. My happy place is in the desert. Something about those vast skies, desert sunsets and all the life that is teeming in those harsh conditions. Something about that space gives me room to exhale deeply. I went for a week with my sister last year and we both had covid. So we did a lot of resting, not a lot of inner or outer exploration. This year I decided to take a risk while the kids are still home and can keep the home fires burning. I rented a small apartment in Sedona for two weeks and I decided to drive by myself across the country. I’ll be stopping and seeing family and dear friends on the way out. And on the way home I get a special adventure with my dad, meeting in Santa Fe and driving him home to Texas. My aim for this three week trek is to get still and quiet and choose a life that feels congruent with who I am now. What do I want now that my main role of mother is shrinking and I can find me again? Don’t get me wrong… I haven’t lost myself in my kids. But I’d say 85-90% of my decisions have been for them.
I am so excited about the luxury of space and time. I’ve never had such an extended period alone without work or something or someone to care for. I’ve never wanted anything like this befor either so I am curious what will emerge. Whatever it is, I can’t wait to choose the next version of a life I love. A soft life that will allow me to grow and expand and allow me to be a little more me… whoever that is underneath it all.
Now, here’s where you come in! No matter what, my main aim is to keep our community in tact. This is a special place and I don’t want anyone to lose this. So no worries… there will be no shutting down of Greenville Yoga in the near future, whatever magically appears for me. While I am away, I will keep writing because that’s how I process my world. And yoga classes will keep going! In order for me to take this break our teachers have stepped in gloriously. Now I remember when Max (my teacher) went to India for 6-weeks. His classes went from 75 people to 2! Please don’t do that here, we still need you. 🤗 We have so many fabulous teachers and this might be your time to discover your new favorite! I am not offended in the least. I want you to explore all of our teachers and see their gifts for yourself. Trying a new teacher or class may just be the thing that gives you your next hit of inspiration. Keep showing up - for yourself, for Greenville Yoga and for ALL of our teachers to feel the love. Essentially, I’ll only be gone two weeks with the third week being the week we are closed for Summer Vacation. So give yourself permission to try something new and maybe… just maybe… you will find the next best thing that helps you unearth the truth of who you are.
