Letters from Love
A while back I was listening to Liz Gilbert on Glennon Doyle’s podcast, We Can Do Hard Things. In the episode, she shared that she writes letters to herself as a morning meditation. She speaks to spirit, God, Love, whatever you wish to call he/she/they/them/it. She asks Love, “What would you have me know today?” Then she gets writing. I thought that sounded easy enough and it quickly became part of my morning meditations. These letters are fascinating as where they go is often not what you would expect. I hadn’t written a Letter from Love in a while and this week when I sat down for my daily writing time, nothing was coming. So, I asked the poignant question… “Love, what would you have me know today?” and below is her reply. I am sharing with you on the precipice of Mother’s Day. I know this day can be celebratory for some, and heartbreaking for others. Whether you are a mom, have a mom, wish to be a mom, or are a mom to furry friends or loved ones; may this have something of value for you, and may it be received in the spirit it is offered- giving you hope for future if you are in the thick of motherhood, giving you a moment to reflect on your own mothering journey, or to get a little glimpse into my head. I hope you enjoy and begin your own Letters from Love. It’s a powerful practice. (If you wish to learn more about Liz Gilbert’s practice, you can check it out here.)
Dear One,
You have been like a clockmaker. Behind the scenes building all of the pieces. Shaping, forming, putting the clock together. Now the clock is wound and it’s beginning to tick on its own. All you have to do is stand back and watch the gears move, the hands turn and time tick away. Your life is becoming your own once again. The harried days of keeping tiny humans fed, happy, and alive are no longer here. Your job as taxi driver, boo boo kisser, snuggler, mommy are also at a close. Now you are the space holder. The one who sits like a houseplant always here should your “babies” need a place of comfort, safety, support, and sometimes challenge. This shifting of roles snuck in on you. You didn’t even realize it as it was happening. Now you look back and see how very far and how very long this road was that you traveled. (Although it feels long, it was truly a blink of an eye for our vast universe.)
As one hat comes off (mommy being put to rest), what shall fill its void? What new hat do you wish to put on? You’ve always kept your role as teacher. That is a fulfilling, comforting one for you. But now with this space, what does your soul long to do? It seems at this moment in time, you are truly happy surrendering to what arrives. There is no fierce longing except to love and be loved. To heal, to grow, to be open to life. This fullness is actually what it is to be alive. You are living! When we are lost in future dreams, we can live so much in this longing that we forget to be happy in the present. If a new dream is to arise (and there will be a new dream), it will arrive spontaneously without force. It will plop down into your lap already formed and it will just be up to you to say yes and show up boldly and bravely to lead the charge. No hints yet what this will be, but it will be big magic and you won’t be able to say no. It will be a full body yes.
For now, you get to refine the subtle aspects of your being. You are closing the door on your 40s and moving into your 50s. Half of your life is gone. You have lived it well! You have said yes to the adventures, to the challenges, to the growing, deepening, widening curves of who you are. You have lived and loved well. You have left people and places better than when you found them. Could there be any greater gift of all?
You may feel a little lost, a little adrift right now. Let that be so. Let yourself be like the woman on Enchanted April laying while the lizard walks unknowingly over her. Let yourself be like the sea horses or kelp turned gently by the ocean tides. Allow yourself to relax and be carried. Without shame or judgment. You have done your time of busy and that is of no use to you any more. When something pulls you out of the clay of the earth, of the slow time, you will know it is worth it to rise up and follow the current. It will take you home.
Love big and love hard right now. Let everyone know how much you love them. Henry and Claire let them know how proud you are of the amazing humans they are. They were born to you this way. You and Brian were just here like the sun giving them the nurturing they needed to bloom into their own free spirits.
Let your mom know she is loved just as she is. She taught you compassion in so many forms. She let you live freely and allowed you to be the odd duck you were. The Hardy family was the family of origin that allowed you to dance awkwardly to your own tune and the family that gave you the gifts of that sixth sense. To the Hardy / Keiths you will be forever indebted. Your dad, let him know how much you appreciate his role in your life. How you wish he could know you and your kids as deeply as he knows your siblings and their children. But that’s okay. We all have our different roles to play. You know he is proud of you in part for being as unique as you are. He sees you and knows your heart. You see him and know his heart. The Lawrence family gave you the gift of financial stability so you could follow your heart’s desire. You could come out of your divorce without having to work harder. The Lawrence family allowed you to follow and create the life of your dreams. Your life would not be the same were it not for their generosity. For this family as messy, awkward, and imperfect as it is… all is well. You have been given all the raw material you needed to learn and grow and become exactly who you are now.
So who are you now? A woman who has built her life toward ease. A woman who works toward liberation for body, heart and mind each day. A woman who loves deeply, who feels deeply. A human who wishes to change the world through simple acts: a smile, a hello, a hug, a card, a call, a friendly ear, a teaching, a new yoga pose, a raise, a meal, a safe place to land, a tidy place to be, a plant in the earth, seeing and loving the humans around her exactly as they are.
What a space to be in and how lucky are you to have been born into this very existence- so filled with love and beauty, messiness and growth, somehow eventually finding balance in it all.
With love,
The Beloved
