So I have been sending Karen texts repeatedly with the title “This one time at yoga camp…” and have been filling her in on the small tidbits of fun and not so fun moments. I came here wanting to learn more about meditation, and yin and yang yoga. So how is it that I ended up on a stage in front of sixty people with Anodea Judith (the author of “Eastern Body, Western Mind”)?
Each day we wake up at 6:30am. I say we because I am in a dorm with 5 other yoginis. Meditation starts at 7am, eat and have morning session (which is more meditation and yin yoga) is from 8:30-11:30am. We break for lunch then return from 2:30-5:30pm for more meditation and yang yoga. Dinner and shower and evening meditation from 8:30-9pm. Evening meditation begins our practice of silence until lunch each day. The schedule is full.
Luckily, we have been given step by step methods for meditation and watching the mind. Really all this time in one’s own head can be quite difficult. As I told Karen yesterday- “This one time at yoga camp… I decided meditation really sucks and I don’t like looking at my own neuroses.” Last night Anodea Judith (the author) was leading a talk on Chakras. I was curious as I have heard great things about her books and she is quite magnetic in person (very similar to Max). So she gives her talk and ends up selecting me to be her volunteer. Here is how it goes:
“What is your dream?” she asks.
My what? I blurt out, “To write a book.” (Who said that?)
“What is your stumbling block?”
“Who am I to have something to share? I don’t have the confidence to put myself out there?” (Now I am all about vulnerability with all of you because you know and love me, but this?)
“Okay, your intention is ‘I am confident.’ Now act out your stumbling block.”
I do the best I can and she tells me not enough and to do it again. And again. And again. Each time I have to act out and whine “I am not good enough.” Then I have to stand tall and repeat “I am confident.”
Funny enough after 15 minutes, flushed cheeks and a lot of sweat I felt confident. Maybe it was the 60 smiling faces cheering me on. Maybe it was putting my neuroses out there so they don’t feel so dark and tangled. I went to bed and still couldn’t believe what I had done. My worst fear was what will people think of me? Well, in the morning people told me I looked more confident and one sweet woman came up and told me I was a goddess that I said what everyone in that room felt but couldn’t say.
The truly amazing part is today my meditation practice was centered, grounded and I was present for each moment. I didn’t check out. Maybe it is days of repeated practice. Maybe it really was the time with Anodea. Who knows? The truth of the matter is it will all be different tomorrow and it is what it is. At least I know that now thanks to a TON of meditation.
I have to run to class. After class, let the silence begin- no reading, no talking, no email, no phone for two days. Just wait for that blog post! I am sure it will be a long one.
Namaste from Summer Camp!