This message seems to have come to me several times over the last month so I thought it best to put it on paper.
One of my favorite friends and I were speaking about how I just couldn’t break a cycle of communication that was occurring between Brian and me. She suggested instead of speaking that I should breathe, relax and create a holding space for my husband. In this way I could soften and listen with a new perspective and truly hear what he was saying. I tried it and all of a sudden our conversations became easier and we both felt heard. I slowly was able to hold space for him and be a container for all that needed to be said. I am still not great at this, but at least I am more aware when I am bringing my own crap to the table and not hearing what is being said. I am aware and try my best to return to center.
Earlier this week, another of my favorite healing friends and I were at an event. She and I were speaking of spiritual growth and how to find the support to manage changes and feel safe. She said to me that we must have containers that give us the holding space to grow. Later in the evening as our conversation continued she said, “You just have to be sure you aren’t surrounded by leaky containers. You need to get rid of those and not feel bad about it.”
This morning as I checked email this article from Brené Brown was in my inbox- How to Conquer Shame- Friends Who Matter. Again came the message of friends who hold space for you to be who you are without judgement, shame, blame or fear. She calls them “move a body” friends. You can call them to move the body of someone you love who maybe drank too much. You know they won’t judge you or shame the person they had to move. They are comfortable in who they are and can sit with your discomfort and hold it with gentle care.
I share this with you because I see the importance of having those in your life that are your containers. They share your stories with you and walk with you along the way- at your lowest low and at your highest high. If you have some of these strong containers or “move a body” friends in your life, tell them. If you don’t have any, take time to see who might hold that promise and strengthen that relationship. We all know that walking the spiritual path is incredibly painful as they layers and armor come off. We need someone to provide a sacred space for us to be completely vulnerable and who will not love us any less.
So here is a very LARGE thank you to the women in my life that are my containers… thank you to my “move a body” friends. Not sure what I would do without you.