This was written by one of our teacher trainees… I felt her words were so universal I couldn’t help but share. Their assignment was to write a page on how they practice being content and one page on how they could improve being content in their own lives. This type of self-inquiry is invaluable on the spiritual path. Try it and see what you find out about yourself.
I spent one of our training weekends sidelined on the couch recovering from an illness. I was able to sit down with my books and dive into my training manual and do some reading. I found that the book I was reading was leading me on a quest for more information and more and more… After a few hours of the tailspin, I didn’t have clear answer for what I was searching for and just had more questions. I was frustrated and overwhelmed. I emailed Liz and basically said, “There is so much to know- where do I start?”
While I was waiting for Liz to answer, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that the answer about what I NEED is right here… in me. While there *IS* so much to know, in order to be truly content, I need to learn to trust myself in order to know where to begin. Yes- I want it all of that priceless information NOW but that is unrealistic. Instead of spinning my wheels and getting nowhere fast, I need to figure out what I need for that day or that moment.
During this teacher training, I have learned so much more than I ever began to imagine. I started to uncover the real me… the one that had been suppressed for many years. I began to see how I am driven by fear, how I don’t trust my intuition, how I perceive other people, and how I keep replaying the same story-line over and over in my head. I always wondered why I would get so far into a book or meditation and either stop or get “busy” and not finish. At first I thought I may have ADD but now I believe that I was afraid that the words on the page would touch that sensitive place inside me that I had not allowed myself to feel in many years. By deepening my practice and deepening my studies, I began to see that there is much work to be done on the INSIDE. In order to find true contentment, I need to find the courage to work through the un-shiny stuff so I can face the person in the mirror who is the REAL me and be proud of the person I am becoming- I believe this will make me the most content I could ever possibly be.