Last week, I sent out our latest newsletter. It was all about BIG love. You know, the kind that goes above all the petty small stuff? The kind that makes your heart burst wide open? After sending the newsletter, I found myself dealing with some BIG anger. The kind that made me feel like I was 15 all over again- shaking hands, teary eyes, flushed face. All these years of learning and meditation, practicing non-reactiveness; I was hit hard. I am sharing this story with you because I think it is so important for us to share our successes and sometimes our failures. It is often the “failures” that teach us the most.
When I came home I sat with my anger. A few years ago Sarah Powers was lecturing and she said, “Anger is a completely valid emotion. It is a call to attend. There are skillful means of expressing anger and unskillful means. This is important to know.” When I felt the anger rise to the surface, I knew it was a call to attend. I took time to sit each day and ask, what is it I need to see. This took a few days to tease out the reality behind the anger. I realized what was causing the anger, expressed it the best I could (maybe not 100% skillfully, maybe not even 85% skillfully) and asked the other person for what I needed moving ahead.
We are all human, we are all perfectly imperfect. Emotions are going to come and go. When we are rooted in the truth of who we are, it is easy to love. When we are triggered and move into an emotional, insecure place it is easy to lose sight of that big love. Some days we just need to sit with the grief, the anger, the stubbornness and see what it is asking of us. Then we can shift back into that place of love and move ahead one step at a time.