Best Laid Plans

Best Laid Plans

Best Laid Plans

Today started out just like any other… to do list, kids to school, shrubs to trim and off to work (at my alternate job as a tutor for a local elementary school).  I pick up my first student and we decide to go to the library first when what do I hear, but an announcement that we are on lockdown.   My first thought is, “Oh sh**, I don’t know what the library lockdown procedures are.”  After yelling across the hall to a teacher the librarian comes flying down the hall to help us corral 15 kids and 3 teachers into the A/V room.  We made the best of it (movie time and some kids yoga), then the kids got walked back to class and Susan (a friend / yoga student) and I got locked back in the library office for the remaining hours of the lockdown.  We talked about almost everything there is to talk about.  I made arrangement to get my own children picked up and at about 2:30pm I was about to lose it.  I practice yoga… I should be patient right?  I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me.  Then I got in my car and I saw it so clearly.  Here is what I learned from a day of lockdown:

My self-esteem is tied to the amount I get done in a day.  For the first half of the day I was fine, but later I kept thinking of all the things I needed to do- clean the house, check and respond to email, grocery shop, pick up kids.  But guess what?  All that got done after the lockdown just as easily and some of it I am choosing to ignore.  Why after all this time doing yoga are there still times where I feel like I need to be “getting something done” to be a person of value?  It was such a strange realization.  My best laid plans were foiled and I learned something new in the process- to let it go!  Once I left the school and got both my kids home I sat down and took a breath.  Breathe in- grateful everyone is safe.  Breathe out- grateful for the amazing crew at school.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  This focus on the breath and being grateful helped me shift from a self-destructive inner critic to a mind that can see things a little clearer and with a little more gratitude for the moment at hand.

ABOUT AUTHOR

Elizabeth Delaney